Relationship Problems: Common Issues, Signs & How to Fix Them

You can love someone deeply and still feel completely lost with them. That knot in your stomach before a conversation. The silence that stretches across the dinner table. The creeping sense that you’re roommates rather than partners. These feelings don’t make you a failure — they make you human.

Relationship problems are staggeringly common. The pressures of modern life, housing costs, work demands, and the lingering aftermath of the pandemic have put enormous strain on couples. And here’s what nobody tells you: many of these problems are solvable. Not all, but many.

This post covers the most common relationship issues — communication breakdown, conflict, intimacy, money, trust, kids, chores, life goals — alongside practical steps you can take today. We’ll also be honest about when things cross a line into something unsafe, and where to seek help in the UK.

• Some problems need a conversation. Some need a therapist. Some need a safety plan.
• Knowing which is which? That’s half the battle.

What are the most common relationship problems couples face (and what do they usually look like)?

Most couple conflicts aren’t dramatic showdowns. They’re quieter than that. A slow erosion. Research from the Gottman Institute — arguably the most respected relationship research body in the world — identifies patterns that predict relationship breakdown with startling accuracy. But before we get into solutions, let’s name what you might be dealing with.

Common Relationship Problem  |  What It Typically Looks Like

Communication breakdown  |  Talking at each other, not with each other. Feeling unheard or dismissed.

Repeating arguments  |  “Same fight, different Tuesday.” The topic changes but the dynamic doesn’t.

Emotional distance  |  You’re in the same room but a million miles apart. Loneliness within the relationship.

Sex & intimacy mismatch  |  One partner wants more, one wants less. Or neither wants it but both miss it.

Trust issues & jealousy  |  Checking phones, questioning friendships, constant suspicion.

Infidelity (including emotional affairs)  |  Secrecy, a confided-in colleague, discovered messages.

Money stress & financial control  |  Arguments about spending, hidden debts, one partner controlling finances.

Time pressure & burnout  | Work stress, shift patterns, commuting — no energy left for each other.

Household chores & resentment  |  The “mental load” falls disproportionately on one person.

Parenting disagreements  |  Different discipline styles, screen time battles, in-law interference.

Safety concerns & abuse  |  Threats, coercion, intimidation, control. This is not a “relationship problem” — it’s a safety issue.

Major life changes  |  Migration, fertility struggles, career shifts, bereavement, moving countries.

Worth noting: these issues rarely exist in isolation. Money stress feeds into communication breakdown, which erodes intimacy, which builds resentment about chores. It’s a tangled web, not a neat checklist.

How can we improve communication when we keep misunderstanding each other?

John Gottman’s research identified what he called the “Four Horsemen” — criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling — as the most destructive communication patterns in relationships. If you recognise these in your own arguments, you’re not alone. And recognising them is genuinely the first step.

Here are practical communication resets that actually work:

• “I” statements: “I feel overwhelmed when the dishes pile up” lands differently from “You never do anything around here.”
• Reflective listening: Repeat back what your partner means, not just the words. “So you’re saying you feel unsupported when I work late — is that right?”
• Stop mind-reading: You don’t know what they’re thinking. Ask. Genuinely ask.
• One topic at a time: Kitchen-sinking — throwing in every grievance at once — guarantees escalation.

Timing matters enormously. Don’t try to resolve something important when either of you is exhausted, drinking, or already stressed. Gottman’s research suggests that conversations that begin harshly almost always end badly. A gentle start-up changes everything.

And if one partner shuts down? That’s often not stubbornness — it’s physiological flooding. Their nervous system is overwhelmed. Short check-ins, written notes, or even a text saying “I want to understand your side when you’re ready” can be more effective than pushing.

What can we do if we’re arguing all the time or stuck in the same fight?

The “same fight, different day” phenomenon has a name in therapy circles: a negative interaction cycle. It typically looks something like this:

1. A trigger occurs (even something small — a tone of voice, a forgotten task)
2. Escalation — accusations, raised voices, old wounds dragged in
3. Withdrawal — one or both partners shut down or leave
4. Resentment builds quietly
5. Repeat

Breaking this cycle requires deliberate intervention. Not willpower. Structure.

1. Time-outs with a return time: “I need 30 minutes, then let’s come back to this.” Walking away without a return commitment feels like abandonment.
2. Fair fighting rules: No name-calling. No threats. No “you always / you never.” These aren’t soft suggestions — they’re the foundation of productive disagreement.
3. “Problem vs person” approach: You and your partner versus the problem. Not you versus your partner.

If recurring resentment has built up, you may need what Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) practitioners call a “structured conversation” — where each person shares what happened, its impact, and what they need now. This is often easier with a trained couples therapist present. According to the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), couples therapy can help partners identify these destructive patterns and develop healthier ways of relating.

Sometimes the recurring conflict points to something deeper: unmet needs, unprocessed trauma, an unequal division of labour, or untreated mental health difficulties. The argument about the bins isn’t really about the bins.

How do we rebuild closeness, intimacy, and sex when it’s changed?

Emotional closeness doesn’t just evaporate overnight. It leaks away slowly — a cancelled date night here, a distracted “mmhmm” there. Rebuilding it requires small, consistent actions rather than grand gestures.

1. Daily check-ins: Even ten minutes of genuine “how are you really doing?” conversation. The Gottman Institute recommends six hours per week of deliberate connection time for healthy relationships.
2. Specific gratitude: Not “thanks for everything” but “I noticed you sorted the school run this morning — that made my day easier.”
3. Shared activities: Something you both enjoy. Not parallel screen time — actual shared experience.

Sex and intimacy challenges deserve their own honest conversation. Low desire, mismatched libidos, exhaustion, post-baby body changes, medication side effects, stress — all of these are real and common. The NHS notes that sexual difficulties affect a significant proportion of adults and recommends speaking to a GP if physical or medical factors may be involved.

Practical steps that help:

1. Rebuild non-sexual touch first — holding hands, hugging, physical affection without expectation
2. Have consent-focused conversations: what feels good, what doesn’t, what’s off the table
3. Reduce performance pressure — sex doesn’t have to look a particular way
4. If porn use has become a source of conflict, approach the conversation from curiosity rather than shame

When intimacy becomes coercive, pressured, or frightening, that’s no longer a relationship problem to work through together — it’s a safety concern. See the section below on abuse.

How do we handle trust issues, jealousy, and infidelity?

Trust is earned in drops and lost in buckets. Whether the issue is jealousy rooted in past betrayal, secrecy around phones and social media, or actual infidelity — the path forward depends entirely on honesty.

1. Jealousy: Often rooted in insecurity, past experiences, or genuine boundary violations. Healthy couples negotiate boundaries around friendships, social media, and privacy — there’s no universal “right answer.”
2. Emotional affairs: These are real. If your partner is sharing emotional intimacy, secrets, or complaints about your relationship with someone else — that’s worth naming.

If infidelity has occurred and both partners want to rebuild, research suggests a structured repair process works best:

1. Accountability: The person who strayed takes responsibility without minimising
2. Impact conversation: The hurt partner expresses the full impact — and is heard
3. Transparency agreements: Open access to devices, honest answers to questions, no trickle truth
4. Consistent reliability: Doing what you say you’ll do, repeatedly, over months

Sometimes trust can’t be rebuilt. Persistent lying, repeated infidelity, or refusal to engage in repair are signs that separation may be the healthier path. That’s not failure — it’s clarity. If you’re navigating this, individual therapy alongside or instead of couples work can help you make decisions from a grounded place.

How can we reduce stress from money, chores, time pressure, and parenting?

Money is one of the top predictors of relationship conflict. Financial difficulties are strongly associated with relationship distress. In the UK, the housing crisis and childcare costs add particular strain.

Stress Area  |  Practical First Step

Money  |  Schedule a monthly “money meeting” — shared budgeting, transparency about debts, agreed spending boundaries

Chores  |  A fairness audit — write down who does what, including invisible labour (remembering appointments, planning meals, emotional caretaking)

Time pressure  |  Schedule “protected couple time” as non-negotiable — even 30 minutes weekly

Parenting  |  Agree on core values first, then negotiate specifics (discipline, screen time, bedtime). Present a united front to children, disagree privately.

Financial control — where one partner dictates all spending, withholds money, or creates financial dependency — is a red flag for coercive control, not a budgeting disagreement.

The concept of the “mental load” — the invisible cognitive labour of managing a household — has gained significant attention. Research published in the American Sociological Review confirmed that women disproportionately carry this burden, contributing to resentment and burnout within relationships.

When is a relationship “too much work” — and how do we know whether to stay or leave?

This is the question that keeps people awake at 3am. And honestly, there’s no formula. But there are useful frameworks.

How do you know you’re unhappy in a relationship? Some signs:

1. You dread coming home
2. You feel more yourself when your partner isn’t around
3. You’ve stopped imagining a shared future
4. You consistently feel dismissed, controlled, or invisible
5. Your physical or mental health is deteriorating because of the relationship

Positive signs that change is possible:

1. Both partners are willing to take accountability
2. There’s still basic respect and empathy, even during disagreements
3. Openness to professional help
4. Shared goals or willingness to negotiate on the big stuff

When to seriously consider leaving:

1. Ongoing contempt — Gottman’s research identifies contempt as the single greatest predictor of divorce
2. Repeated betrayal with no genuine accountability
3. Chronic fear, isolation, or coercion
4. Your partner may refuse to engage in any form of repair or therapy

If you’re weighing this decision, individual therapy can be enormously helpful — not to be told what to do, but to think clearly when emotions are overwhelming. In the UK, you can access counsellors through the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) or contact services like Relate for guidance.

What should we do if the relationship feels unsafe or abusive?

Let’s be clear about something. Conflict and abuse are not the same thing. Conflict is two people struggling to communicate. Abuse is one person systematically controlling, frightening, or harming another.

1. Threats, intimidation, or property destruction during arguments
2. Coercive control — monitoring movements, isolating from friends and family, controlling finances
3. Forced or coerced sexual activity
4. Escalating behaviour — each incident worse than the last
5. You feel you must manage their emotions to stay safe

If any of this resonates, your safety comes first. Not the relationship. Not their feelings. Yours.

Resource  |  Contact

National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge)  |  refuge.org.uk — 0808 2000 247 (24hr)

Men’s Advice Line (Respect)  |  mensadviceline.org.uk — 0808 801 0327

ManKind Initiative  |  mankind.org.uk — 01823 334 244

Samaritans  |  samaritans.org — 116 123 (free, 24hr)

Couples therapy is not recommended where there is active abuse. A therapist working with both partners can inadvertently provide the abusive partner with new tools for manipulation. Seek individual specialist support first.

FAQ: Relationship problems

What are the next steps if we want to fix our relationship problems?

You don’t have to overhaul everything at once. Start here:

1. Choose one priority issue — communication, money, intimacy, trust — and focus there first
2. Set a weekly check-in — 20 minutes, no distractions, both partners sharing honestly
3. Agree on conflict boundaries — time-outs, no threats, repair attempts when things escalate
4. Consider professional support — couples therapy, individual therapy for trauma or mental health, or both

If you’re in the UK and you’d like to explore therapy, Buddhist Psychotherapy offers confidential sessions — in-person in London and online throughout the UK — integrating contemplative practice with evidence-based therapeutic approaches. You don’t need to have everything figured out before you reach out. That’s rather the point.

And if safety is a concern right now, please contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) or emergency services (999/112) immediately. You deserve to be safe.